My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
