so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize