I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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