I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
