which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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