Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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