i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
