Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
