i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He passed out mid-signature
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
