cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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