woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
