Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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