I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
