My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
