There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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