Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
