I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
