I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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