Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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