I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
