kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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