Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
