this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
