she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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