Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
