am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
