We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
