just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
