Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize