so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
