i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
