Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
