wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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