I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
