my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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