i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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