i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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