She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize