her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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