I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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