Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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