You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
