I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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