Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
