I think i peed on brittanys purse
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize