i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
