Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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