Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
