Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
