your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
barbara walters just said penis...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
