the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize