Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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