You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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