I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
