I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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