I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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