the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
