once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
