Yo dont text me then not text me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this will be a night to untag.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
