I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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