You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
