East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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