My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
