Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
