Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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