ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I pour the whiskey from now on
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
